The way I love you SIRIUS
by Senneser
Summary: ...not so easy to explain!
1. Default Chapter

SIRIUS BLACK..  
  
JAMES pov  
  
Protect Harry if Voldemort get me!  
  
Don't look at me that way!!! (Even if you are so amazing with that indefinable expression on your beautiful face)  
  
If that old, repulsive bastard kill me.Listen Sirius, you have to listen.I'm not joking.If that old shit take my life, I want you, and only you to be the father of my son. No, don't laugh I'm serious. We have to talk about it.(Why don't you look at me now?) You know it may happen. (Why you turned your face?)  
  
I know you don't think you are the right person and you feel unable to be a good example for anyone but. I know better! (I can only see your dark long hair.)  
  
I choose you because you are the strongest and bravest person I've ever met. I don't know another man I would like as my own guide, as my own father. (You are next to me sitting on this grassland but your eyes look somewhere else.)  
  
I know you could protect Harry, raise him, teach him self-confidence and. freedom. Yes, my friend: I choose you because you are a free man. (A snort...you can't avoid sarcasm, do you?) Ok, ok. I'm perfectly aware you'd be able to drag my son in every kind of dangerous and absurd adventure, as you've ever did with me (I can't see your lips but I know you are smiling!) but. you'd die for him without even thinking it's a great thing. You would die for him because YOU are a great thing! (I only see your ear and your neck, half covered by your locks.)  
  
I choose you, because I know how it is to be loved by you and I can't deprive my son of this great privilege. I can't protect him from life (you are life!) and you could show him the better side of it.  
  
I believe in you for my life, so I entrust you Harry. the sense of everything, for me!  
  
You will be a stable bow from which the my son, as a living arrow, will be sent forth to fly in the house of tomorrow which we cannot visit, even in our dreams.  
  
We live, instead, the house of today, full of the richness we gained in the days of our childhood.(Why you don't move?) I remember how I learned to love the git you were, in those shining days.We were so young.but we have always been as one. Today like in that time, I feel you inside my veins: my best friend, my mate. my love. LOVE.I learned that word from you in the days we were discovering life.(Look at me, my friend!)  
  
I ask you to tell Harry.the truth, when he will be on age. I already know you wouldn't be able to say anything but the truth, but you have to know I would do the same. Only the truth for people who want to be free. if a person can't stand the truth, how could he hold the weight of freedom. (I can see the noble outline of your chin.)  
  
Tell him that love is everything but a simple matter and you have to struggle to live your own life as you want. Tell him we did it. (Your neck.)  
  
Tell him that you have to pay if you want to be what you really are, that people doesn't accept differences if you don't stop asking for their approval. No one never let you be free. You just have to be it! (Your ear.)  
  
Tell him that we had to suffer to understand these things and to find a new way to live love the way we needed. (Your beautiful hair.)  
  
And than, tell him about the first time you made love to me. I was scared, but you was as beautiful as the night and I needed to find my rest in you. We were inebriated with our youth. the best of all the wines. (Now, what ? It looks like you are slightly trembling.)  
  
I'll never forget you made it slowly and softly struggling against the passion you always have in you, but I could feel it. your heat. and I was going crazy with the need to stay there, under your gorgeous body for the eternity . and more. (Please, look at me. I need to see your eyes.)  
  
We made it many and many times but I remember that first one, because I was so young and you were all I had ever wanted.(Your eyes. at last. What is this sadness in your eyes?)  
  
Sirius.(Now, I know this sadness means you understand.)  
  
We have to go home now. Lily is a little nervous this days and I don't want her to torture Moony for too long.(You smile again. and everything is clear and bright........silence.....)  
  
Be for my son. only yourself: it's more than enough! 


	2. Lily: blood

LILY pov  
  
I feel your blood melted in mine: in my womb I carry James' son and I've always knew that in the blood of the man I love is fused your own blood.  
  
You are inside of me as much as inside of him, you are my brother as you are his.  
  
The pure-blood of the heirs of two of the oldest wizards family mixed inside my small body. your strong souls in my small hands.  
  
I love you Sirius: I love the sadness in your eyes, the sorrow you hide inside, the way you are the only one who doesn't like Sirius Black.  
  
I love your cruelty. because I know the reasons of your soul.  
  
I love you as if you was born from me. I still can feel the pain of the moment I gave you life, I still can feel the emptiness you let there.  
  
I feel you inside myself more than when you made love to me, touching my body like the most precious thing you knew. I was so small in your arms, so vulnerable... You began caressing my hair.( You've always been charmed by it)  
  
You are a great lover, you were it even when you were a young boy. you have the skill of being everything your partner need. Everyone knows you are the best one can ask for a night of unforgettable sex so I wasn't surprised about what you made me feel.  
  
The real surprise was when I found you cuddled up to me the morning after. You looked like a defenceless child in your sleep.  
  
That day, you showed me the true you.and from than, you have always let me see what everyone else couldn't see of you. I was young but I immediately understood it was the best love gift you could give to me.  
  
I know you don't like people, most of all women (. And who can blame you, with relatives like yours? With that slut of your mother?). Yes, you give your lovers pleasure, but outside your bed you are always the foul bastard of ever. you don't really give anything of you to anyone of them.  
  
That morning you gave all your life to me only because I let you touch me.  
  
I will never understand why you chose me, but I'm glad you did it. my life would be empty without the bundle you remitted on me.  
  
Since that day I am your mother. My son is you. I carry the weight of your lonely soul. I'm the woman who loves you.only for what you really are. Precious.  
  
Since that day I've always knew that my son would have had a part of your soul. a part of your blood. This weight I carry is you, my son.  
  
A/N After this, I'm sure I should really go to cure my mind. 


	3. Remus: emptiness

REMUS pov  
  
I only wish I could hold you once more .  
  
.To feel you, to look at you, to tell you goodbye. to close your eyes with my loving hands and kiss your lips, so that your last kiss would go on with me, staying still, forever on my mouth, till the day I'll die as well.  
  
I was there when you felt behind the veil but I couldn't even cry your name as Harry did.and I hid my feelings, as I had always done, also in the worst moment of my life.  
  
Love of my life. I wanted to run to catch you everywhere you was. I didn't want to be careful any more.. because YOU where the only thing I cared, and you were gone. But. Harry, was there too, and he needed me. I had to be strong for him, to be wise for him, whilst I was going crazy with pain.  
  
The sorrow I read in his eyes when he understood you were no more between us lacerated my heart: he was the only one who suffered as much as me, and he looked so small and harmless. I hope you were far enough to not seeing his face: it was the perfect mirror of the way I was feeling inside. smashed.  
  
That first morning I had to live without you on this earth and I was alone in your house, in the place you were born and grown up. near the things you hated . Yes! The only things of you I could find were the things you detested. and I had a strange intuition: you hated things in general. Your love was for James, Lily, Harry. and me. Your attachment was only to people.  
  
I was devastated, broken.I thought about the way you could hate and love.  
  
Dumbledore came to look for me. Without a word he hugged me and. I cried. Finally, in the arms of the 'old crazy man' I cried for my lost love. for your lost life. I cried for ages.  
  
Now my tears are finished, but my sorrow stands still, because I saw you fighting and falling: and everything I was, went away with you.  
  
I was happy, once. I remember the days I became your friend. I was the happiest boy in the history! You were the most enjoyable company I could think about and. YOU, Sirius Black, wanted the shy, quiet and hard-working Remus Lupin as a friend of yours. At first, I believed you wanted something back from me, but I didn't really care if I could be with you.I was so happy!!  
  
I was touched, once. You discovered that I was a werewolf (you used to discover every secret. how could you do that?) and you ran to me to tell me I was stupid not to tell you everything about me before. I couldn't believe you were there, hugging me, as a brother, despite you knew my blood was so. 'dirty': "I wanna find a way to be with you during those nights, Remus." I was so deeply touched!  
  
I was stunned, once. The first time you kissed me. I was so stunned I almost couldn't feel the most important thing.  
  
I was overwhelmed, once. When we let out all the passion we felt, one for the other. When your lips were all over my body. When you were inside of me. I was so overwhelmed that I almost couldn't feel the most important thing..  
  
I was in love, once. The day we met alone after 10 years and you finally told me you loved me, only me, always me: ".now and ever!". I was so much in love that I almost couldn't feel the most important thing..  
  
.I was complete..once!  
  
A/N Thank you Nicole Black, for your review! I tried to go "deep"ly inside myself to write these chapters. I'm glad someone can feel it. 


End file.
